**Caution** This post contains total hormonally-induced honesty.

Here's how it went down:

One week ago, 19 weeks, first ultrasound.

Quick-talking Ultrasound tech: Hey guys, how's it going? (squirt squirt)

Me & Coach: Great! thanks!

Quick-talking Ultrasound tech: This your first? (turns on the monitor, types a few things...)

Me & Coach: Yep. Pretty excited.

Quick-talking Ultrasound tech: So you guys know you're having twins?

Me & Coach: Ha ha! Funny ultrasound joke!!

Quick-talking Ultrasound tech: Nope. I'm serious. There they are....

All I could see on the screen were tiny body parts.

Then I burst into tears.

We have no twins in our families, didn't do any fertility work... only heard one heartbeat many many times!

This week has challenged my emotional range more than any I can ever recall in my now, 36 years.

I will start this by stating the facts. I know this is a blessing. I know that most-likely, everything will be just fine. I know that someday, I will look back on this and be so glad it went down this way. And I do, in earnest, just pray that everyone using my body as an HQ, including myself, stays healthy and happy.

And if one more person says the word "miracle" to me I may end up on the news.

But for the better part of this week I have been terrified. We walked out of that office having everything we thought about our life, changed. We have spent the time since then recalculating, relearning and rerouting. We have had lots of talks, lots of check-ins, a few fits, many sleepless nights and possibly one panic attack. I won't say who It was me.

Deciding that we have had enough surprises for one year, we opted to learn the gender, which was actually one of the highlights of the whole experience. One boy. One girl. Both are healthy so far and good size. We will be a family of four in a matter of months!

My panic is wearing off as the news sits with me, and the babies and I have regular conversations about how nice they are going to be to me when they get here. (I firmly believe in the power of suggestion.) We are working on figuring out what we REALLY need two of, and if I am going to have to give up my beloved Mini Cooper (tear). We have broken the news to Lucy, and though she wouldn't come up in the bed for 4 days, she has now decided to sleep in the giant body pillow with me, which I am taking as a sign of acceptance.

I think the life part is getting easier to imagine, it's the physical part of all this that I am still freaked out about. Can I do this? Will my body still work? Can I keep them in there long enough? How the HECK am I going to deliver? There is a whole lot of unpredictability about it. Unpredictability and I are not super-good friends.

And I am HUGE. Which is all part of the process, I understand, but considerably awkward.

I promise this will be my only whining post. I fully plan on returning to my upbeat optimistic self shortly. I just needed to say out loud that this scares the shit out of me.

In fact, a clever reader posted a comment the other day after sniffing out the multiplicity going on over here asking if we had a nickname for the 'bump'. I jokingly said to Coach: "Yeah, it's "Holy Crap!"

So there you have it! Big news just got bigger! I am soliciting positive vibes, reassuring stories and lots and lots of laundry detergent. Send help! diapers!

Thanks for being out there in this moment!

xoxo

Hi friends! It has been a rough week up here in Boston and I thought I would lighten it up a little with some good news! As some of you have suspected, and those of you that I will see in Columbus this weekend will soon see for yourselves, I'm pregnant!

Coach and I are super SUPER excited and have enjoyed some time with our news to ourselves. I am just about 17 weeks along with a due date in early October. I had about 8 rough weeks in my first trimester, I felt hung-over all the time, ate mostly chicken fingers and Cheetos, and slept pretty much two months straight but lately, feel very good and so far the baby is healthy. Vegetables and I are now friends again, which is helpful and I feel less like something has me by the ponytail and is just swinging me around willy nilly. I am also weeping less, which makes it easier to go out in public.

We are waiting to be surprised with the gender and are so looking forward to being parents for the first time. Our journey together has brought us so far, and so close, and though I don't think anyone ever feels really ready, we feel like the time is right for a tiny person to join us on this adventure.

Lucy, on the other hand, might not share our sentiments. Time will tell.

Here is a photo of us on the day that we found out:

Looking forward to having you all with me on this crazy ride! Have a great rest of the week!

xo

A friend made this cake for a birthday dinner recently and I could not get enough of it. It is perfect for those of you who have a Guinness or two left over from St. Patty's Day, or you know, those of you who love amazingly delicious chocolate cake. Whichever.

I am very particular about cake to icing ratios. I don't like things that are too gooey or sweet so the right amount of sweet is magically elusive thing when it comes to baking. I will choose cake over icing any day. I know there are many folks who are the reverse. Fortunately for all of us, this recipe has absolutely perfect balance of the two. Which means I will be making this more often than may be appropriate.

The recipe is based on Nigella's "Guinness Chocolate Cake" and if you are partial to beautiful British women who make all food sexy, you might head on over to her site, because I did not change it too much.

I used a small craft Stout instead of Guinness because this particular one is a little sweeter and a little richer than Guinness. The cake does not taste like beer when it's all said and done, just has a deepness to it that is really lovely. I also made the cake as cupcakes for the purposes of sharing, but you can also make it in a spring form pan. This is a dense cake, so be aware that the center might fall a little bit in your spring form...more room for icing. I also think for best results, and if you can get your hands on it, use castor sugar or extra fine sugar, it will blend much better and keep the warm part of this recipe process moving along.

Unlike most cakes, you mix this cake over a little bit of heat in a saucepan. Make sure you use the largest one you have as it will have to contain the whole cake batter at some point... and when you add the flour with the baking soda, it will puff up a bit.

Stout Beer Chocolate Cakes

You will need:

1 Cup Stout Beer

1 stick plus 2tbs Butter

3/4 Cup unsweetened cocoa powder

2 Cups castor sugar (or super fine)

3/4 Cup sour cream

2 eggs

1 tbs. vanilla extract

2 Cups flour

2 1/2 tsp. baking soda

For the Icing:

8oz light cream cheese

1 1/4 Cup powdered sugar

1/2 heavy cream

-------------------------------------------------------------

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. grease and line a 9" spring form pan or grease cupcake tins (makes about 24).

In a large wide saucepan, pour the stout and add the butter, heat over medium heat until butter is melted.

When butter is melted, whisk in (whisk is important here) the cocoa and the sugar (together is fine).

Whisk until totally combined. Turn heat down to low.

Beat the eggs into the sour cream and vanilla thoroughly then mix into the warm pan (mix quickly when adding eggy things to warm things).

Mix baking soda into flour and whisk the combo into the pan. Your mixture will puff up a little, keep whisking, keeping sides of saucepan scraped.

Pour the batter into your spring form pan, or spoon it into cupcake tins.

Bake cake for 45 mins. Cupcakes for about 25 or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Cool completely.

Once cake is completely cool , mix up the icing in the food processor.

Spin the powdered sugar in the food processor until the lumps are out, then add cream cheese and whirl. Finally add the cream and spin until it is spreadable.

Ice cake/cakes to your liking and lick the bowl.

Be prepared to fall madly in love.

xoxo

Yesterday, while driving I heard a story on NPR that made me sit in my car well after I had arrived at my destination to finish it. I know you have done something like this. I see people sitting in their cars all the time, seeming distantly engaged in something, maybe laughing out loud or crying. I know the type. They are story people. When I reflect on it I am touched and feel more rooted in the notion that we have, as a species, always connected through stories, and likely always will...technology or no. We will find a way.

This particular story was a feature from The Moth Radio Hour and was an autobiographical story written by and read by Jen Lee. It was about many things, but among them transition, transformation, community and personal identity. The clarity of her voice and her humor lured me in, but the personal connection I felt to her journey and the wisdom of her experience made me sit in my car well after.

I could personally relate to Jen's story in a pretty literal way, but I think there is a way we can all relate.

You can listen to her story, "Targeted", here. It is worth 8 minutes of your time.

This past Sunday I watched Brené Brown's episode of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday (watch it if you can!) and though the whole thing resonated, something she said really hit home. She said: "Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism."

That rang my bell. And made me think of all my righteous moments, the moments when I am absolutely sure that I know what's good for everybody and how things should be done, ( I am a text-book Taurus) and I wondered where I set my vulnerability down. Jen Lee's story rang that same bell in a way that made me laugh. I am grateful for the lessons from these women today. And grateful that I am in this experience, not in charge of it.

I would love to know what you all think. I am sure there are some feelings out there...

xo

If it feels like I talk about this event every year, it's because I do. It is my favorite event of the year, and since tickets go on sale on March 20 (the first day of spring...although Mother Nature didn't get the memo on that in Boston...) I thought I would once again do my best to talk you in to finding an event near you, (or one far away) and having a night, and a dinner, to remember!

I am in no way affiliated with OITF, they don't really even know I exist, even though I totally stalk them and this year will mark my 4th dinner (which is nothing! I have met people that have gone to 15+!) I am just a huge fan of what they are doing and have had some of the greatest experiences attending their dinners. And I'm a share-er. I think you would love it. You can read more about my first time here.

The concept is simple. Local Farm + Local Chef + Uber Local Ingredients + 200 strangers and a bunch of tables = magic. The OITF team travels the country on a bus for the better part of the year making these love connections and putting on single-night feasts in every nook and cranny of this fair country (and some abroad!). Al fresco rain or shine (fortunately I have lucked out with glorious evenings), the gatherings bring together local food and farm to table enthusiasts from near and far. Each is a unique experience, but all will bring you closer to the richness of what we eat and where we eat it from.

The venues range from farms in the plains to beach coves that celebrate the gifts of the sea. I have eaten in a peach orchard, a field that ran into the Pacific Ocean and a farm down the street. The table is always the same but the food on the table and the people in the chairs is magnificently different each time.

(Photos from last summer's dinner at Allendale Farm with Chef Tony Maws (not pictured) Pictured: OSIAF founder Jim Denevan)

Events and locations were announced here on March 1st, but tickets go on sale in two phases tomorrow March 20th starting at noon EST. Tickets sell out fast. Like, in some cases ...minutes. So my suggestion is to pick a friend, pick a place and just go for it! You will never ever regret it! Maybe I will see you there!

xoxo

Good morning! Happy daylight-savings Monday (she says groggily...) I don't care how you shake it, I would suffer through greater things than a lost hour of sleep to have it be light at 7pm. But I'm a real trooper...

Actually, not so much. I have been a little under the weather this past week, which has landed me in bed for most of it and not doing what I was supposed to be doing like blogging, and making new cards for the spring release and (gasp!) Christmas. Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year pretty much all the time over here... I think it's why I have such a hard time putting my decorations away.

Last month I did the smartest thing I ever did and took a vacation in February. I can't believe I have never done that before! It is the tail end of a very hectic time in my work schedule, smack dab in the middle of Coach's basketball season and unreasonably cold and crappy here in Boston. Why not GO SOMEWHERE ELSE?!

I realize that I am very late to the game on this. No need to point out how many cruises you've been on or how that's why schools in the northeast get "February Break". I get it.

But MAN was that a good idea!

Since I was traveling alone, and looking for some R&R, my trip was very 'me' focused. For the first part of it I had the pleasure of getting to go to Miraval in Tuscon, AZ. I was there on the highest recommendation of a friend and a very fortunate 'deal' from a coupon site. My trip was delayed a day courtesy of one of the blizzards, but oddly, everyone (including the airline) was extremely accommodating and I arrived like I was meant to be there.

Miraval is an exceptional place. It is nestled in the Catalina foothills, close to nature and bathed in sunlight. The view of the snowcapped mountain peaks is only interupted by huge palm trees and their series of perfectly heated pools. The staff has the glow of actually enjoying their work and loving the people they work with, and not a stone of service is left unturned. The culture is rooted in their core philosophy of mindfulness, which sets an amazing tone for your time there. In that spirit, cellphones are all but prohibited on the grounds (except in your room and in designated areas) which means that you actually talk to other people, introduce yourself, and get to know someone new.

I admit to being a little lost at first in the dining room by myself with no 'device' to hold my gaze and purpose... something to keep me interacting ....but then I realized that what it was keeping me from doing was interacting. We use these things to interact, but also to avoid interaction. To avoid engagement with the people around us. It is certainly a self-preservation mechanism while we are waiting for a bus, or need to not be bothered on a crowded street or on a plane with a chatty neighbor. But when we get used to only engaging with those that we select, I think we miss out on a ton.

Over my 3 days at Miraval, I met so many cool and interesting people with some really rich and interesting backgrounds. At first I made it a little challenge for myself to sit quietly with myself and engage freely, but after a day there, it became something I saught out. I was chatting with everyone! It was like we were all on vacation together, and the community that the resort was able to create throught that one policy (as well as the many fun and exciting group activities) was impressive at the very least.

I filled my time during the three days with trips to the beautiful spa (breathtaking, really) to feel taken care of, hikes in the mountains to feel connected, delicious meals and great conversations to feel nourished, a couple of classes to feel challenged, naps, to feel rested and many many deep breaths to feel grateful. It was the greatest gift I have given myself to date. I highly recommend something like it.

When I got on the plane to head off to the second part of my adventure, I blew a little kiss to those mountains and that place and thanked it for myself back.

The photos above were taken on my first mornnig hike in the Catalinas. The night before was very cold, and what you can't see in the photographs (but that I wish desperately that I could have captured) is the billion tiny diamonds of frost that covered every tiny thing in the valley. It was spectacular! Being my first time in the southwest, I was of course on the lookout for new critters... I saw lots of roadrunners, jack rabbits, quail and even wild pigs (javelinas)!! At night I heard the healthy packs of coyotes howling and one girl I met saw a bobcat and her cubs. I was sorry to miss that. I am such a nature nerd.

Have you ever had a place or experience that you felt gave you yourself back?? Want to share?

xoxo

----------------------------------

BOOK GIVEAWAY WINNERS!

Thank you for all of your organizing tips and for taking the time to enter!
Random number generator has picked the following winners:

Jenny Hurst & Kathy Gallagher you are the proud owners of a new, spectacular book! Please email your mailing addresses to: info@curlygirldesign.com and we will get these right out to you! Congratulations!

Hello and happy Friday!

Before the New Year I started a periodic entry series called "Open Book Thursdays" where I answered your questions (about almost anything) here on the blog. I took a wee break from it over the holidays, but now am anxious to get back!

Thank you for your questions! I love hearing from you guys, and hope to get to all of them someday. You can see previously answered questions here, here and here or by poking through the journal tab on the left hand side there.

On to questions! (I am answering these in random order, or in order of what I have the brain power for today...)

Jenny asked:

I attended a Women in Business luncheon yesterday, and our table got into a discussion about a quote that one of the attendees had on her wall.  It read:  “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”  So, that being said, what would you do? 

I’d love to know what your vision for the future of your business is, as I often feel that you have a true talent for putting into art the things we are all thinking and feeling.  I’d love to know WHAT’S NEXT?

Thanks for your question Jenny! Oh how I love that question. It is actually up on the refrigerator in our office so that every time a Curly Girl staffer goes in for a seltzer or a snack we ask ourselves that question. The answer is usually 'pop open some of this champagne that is taking up all the room in here...".

Just kidding. Sort of.

This question is a bit of a double-edged sword for me. It assumes, firstly that we are not already living bravely, which I think, if we really each examine our lives, we can find some proof that we are. And it sort of suggests that what we are doing is not already enough.

It is my sincere hope that everyday when the beautiful, talented, amazing women that work together with me on this business look at that question part of them is inspired by it, and part of them wants to flip it the bird and say "you are lookin' at it!"

Showing up everyday for yourself and hopefully going to bed at night feeling like you have contributed to your well being and others well being (in whatever incarnation) is something to be proud of and never to be swept away as un-grand (not sure that's a term, but you get what I mean.) We can certainly fail at that. Most of us have at some point. So I would strongly advocate for considering our victories.

That said, it also offers contrast. "To fail" is the opposite of "to succeed". We must have one in order to have the other. You cannot have light if you do not have dark. And so, it is our failures that make our successes possible. They are counterweights for each other and thusly are both totally necessary. It has been my failures that have been my greatest supporters along the way. They are proof of what has happened that I was capable of getting through. And learning from. In a way, it would be a better question if it read: "What would you fail at over and over again if you had the time."

But you didn't actually ask for my philosophic ramblings about the question, you asked for the answer to it. And the point of the question is not lost on me.

There are many many things that pop into my head as quick answers; buy a farm and grow things, math, learn to play the banjo, renovate houses, wear more lingerie. But in truth there are only three things that are currently full-out honest answers to that question:

Be a mother. (in discussions)

Write a book. (also, in discussions)

and Sing.

Singing is something that I love dearly, and makes me very very happy that I never really got to pursue the way I dreamed I would. It has been so many years since I have had any real training, that I think the fear is that I don't have the equipment anymore, and with time, goes confidence. So that is what I would choose to fail at over and over again if I had time. I might even do it with gusto.

As for what's next? Well, the book is a project that I have wanted to do for years and years, but frankly have been a little afraid of. It seems so permanent (ahem, Library of Congress) and I guess I always feel so...in flux. BUT, I have said it out loud now...and I have a cool vision and a tight deadline....so off we go! I will talk more about it when I am able.

Thanks Jenny! Great question!

What would YOU do?

Have something you want to ask me?  Leave your question in the comments section of this post.

xo

This year, the two major gift shows that usually fall just about a week apart, fell nearly two whole weeks apart. Though a very slight schedule change, its results were profound for me.

I found a week. FOUND. A. WEEK.

It's quite honestly better than any amount of money that you could find in a jacket you haven't worn since last year or under a seat at the movie theater. (I did actually find $60 once in a parking lot....it's even better than that.) Time, it seems, is our most precious commodity. It is one of the very few things we cannot buy and that we have absolutely no control over. I found 4 whole week days and one long(ish) weekend! WIN!

So, in an effort to relish and be responsible with this bright and shiny gift, I naturally made a list of projects I wanted to accomplish. Obviously. Most of them were around the house, making it unnecessary for me to get out of my pajamas, or you know, wash my hair. You're welcome honey.

My husband called it my 'week of Sundays'. He would come in after work, look around at the mess I had undoubtedly created and say: 'Mmmmmm! Smells like a Sunday in here!" Fortunately for him, I cleaned a few things (the fridge!) and made him my White Bean Chicken Chili.

One of my projects was to go through, edit and organize my photos from last year with the intention of printing a few and perhaps making a book or two.

None of those things happened, but I did get pretty distracted by watching the previous 12 months of my life go by and remembering all the fun stuff, and the little moments. There is a whole lot that I forgot to write about and a bunch of stuff I meant to share...so I thought I would go about that here for a bit. I will go backwards, cause somehow that makes sense to me, and start with our Christmas card.

Ironically, I have never, not once in my life sent out a Christmas card. It's slightly embarrassing, as someone who MAKES Christmas cards and is a member of the Greeting Card Association for Pete's sake...but frankly, as a wholesaler/retailer and person who usually has to travel to see her family at Christmas, I have never quite had the time or the energy.

But I LOVE receiving people's cards and the photos they put in them... I hang them up in the house and then feel appropriately terrible about throwing them out in, ahem, March....

It makes me feel like I know for a moment what is going on with everyone, what they look like now, how many kids or dogs they have, It makes me feel a little bit loved. And I wanted to participate in that. I wanted that to be a tradition that Coach and I did. I wanted to be able to look back at a bunch of years of our family Christmas cards and see how goofy we were. So, fortunately for me, I have a professional photographer at my beck and call (I have to bribe her with snacks and smelly candles) and a very photogenic dog-child.

Since the Mini was one of my very favorite things about this year, she had to be in the family photo! Only one shot got to be included in the card, but there were a bunch of good out-takes that I thought I would share. Since I am so often behind the camera, it is rare to have a decent photo of myself. Thanks to Lizzy, we have some from Christmas 2012 to look back on!

Contrary to my list of projects for this 'found' week, this was one list-item that actually got stamped, mailed and crossed off the list! Those of you who have been following this blog for awhile will also be relieved to know that our Christmas tree (pictured) was on the curb the first week of January. I didn't even cry this year.

So there you are, tradition started. Here's hoping it makes the list this year! Heh.

What would YOU do with a found week??

xoxo

My dear friend Kate is just days away from delivering her first baby and I am so excited about it, I have had to work on 'projects' to distract myself! I have been being crafty, and depending how that goes, I will share the results with you later. In the mean time, I thought I would share some photos of her sweet baby shower that I helped throw a few weeks ago.

We had the totally handy (and special) opportunity to host it at one of the restaurants she and her husband own (and where he is the chef!) which made it both roomy and staffed ( perk-city!) as well as took care of the menu with delicious food!  I was in charge of decor (naturally....), and since the happy parents-to-be have referred to their growing bump as 'The Peach" I decided to go with that as a theme.

.

I was glad to find some 'springy' flowers at the flower market to keep the color pallet light. I arranged them in bushel baskets and fruit crates filled with ball jars and topped them off with some Chinese paper fans I found to accent the peach color theme. We toasted with peach bellinis and Kate's darling Mom had these delicious cupcakes made up as peachy as could be, by the lovely folks at White Mountain Cupcakery (who, P.S. WON the "Cupcake Wars"!) They were so cute and tasted so good, I was a little conflicted as to whether to look at them or eat them!

I used fruit baskets filled with peach candies or apricots (which look like baby peaches) and tied them off with a pretty peach silk ribbon. As a little 'thank you' for the guests (who showered our girl with adorable gifts) I picked macarons in pinky/peachy shades (and coordinating delicious flavors) and wrapped them up in little polka dot bags, tying them up with some green paper ribbon, which I cut to look like leaves. I painted an Avery sticker sheet with little peaches and hand wrote little 'thank you' messages on each sticker, then color copied the sheet onto other sheets to make the labels for the macaron favors.

The day was lovely from top to bottom, the mamma-to-be was surrounded by love and friends and lots and lots of tiny cute things! Surely a perfect way to usher in a beautiful new addition to our lives! I would even go so far as to say it was 'peach perfect'.

Can't wait to meet this little person!

xoxo

Happy New Year's Eve! I have taken a break from the internet for the past week or so to reconnect with family and friends and take an aimless visit to my hometown. It has been lovely and save the air mattress, very restorative. I have loved this year. Loved. It.

2012 has brought many blessings and good learning. Lots of time with good friends and special time with family. It has reconnected me with old friends, taken me on adventures and deepened my connection to my marriage. It has brought beautiful new babies and seen my darling cousin married to her perfect match. I traveled to a place I have never been and explored the city I live in and love like I was a visitor.

From a business perspective it has been a big year for Curly Girl Design. We have assembled the best team and combination of staff personalities that we have ever had, which makes every day a joy. We have moved our warehouse to Montana (!) and built and launched a pretty bad a#* new website! We have been busy developing some exciting new products and lines for 2013 and are getting ready for their debut. We are also getting ready to move into our first big-girl office space (that is not in a basement by a dumpster) and gear up for some majorly inspired things next year!

This year has brought its challenges and heartbreak too. The balance is evident. The learning hard-won. But in the end, I will take the lot.

I have been reading a lot about vulnerability in Brene Brown's books, and thinking a lot about the concepts of abundance and scarcity. It is amazing how often we start a thought or a reaction with "I am not __________ enough. (Enter the concept of your choice: pretty, talented, organized, rich, thin, successful...) Or "I don't have enough ______" (time, money, love, etc....).  Dr. Brown suggests that the antidote to this kind of thinking is to begin to realize that we are enough. Already. As is.

While I agree with her whole-heartedly and would love for each and every one of us to start from a place of enough....I propose we take it a step further. I propose that the opposite of 'not enough' is not simply 'enough'...I propose that the answer is PLENTY. Plenty is full, and abundant and adequate and fulfilling. Plenty is not more than you need, but as much as you need. Plenty is so much more than enough. Because the truth is...you are plenty. You have plenty. You will have plenty and you will be plenty. Enter the tense of your choice. It is already within you and there is more than enough to go around. You are more than enough....so much more. Already.

So without hesitation (or waiting until February....or March) I would like to announce my word of 2013: PLENTY

Will you join me in a year of PLENTY? Will you fill those blanks with "more than enough"? Will you do us all the service of resting assured that there is more than enough to go around and that we all have exactly what we need already? Right here. Even in the blank spots. Plenty.

This may well be my word for every year after this.... but let's see what we can start. Shall we?

I am so grateful for your company in this space. Thank you for being with me on this journey and thank you for inviting me in.

I wish you the very best of New Years. May the beginning be a sparkling fresh and full of joy and may you have to count your blessings by the ton.

xo