Hello and Happy Friday! I was growing aware that it has been awhile since my last post, and people are starting to send out ‘um…heeeeey, hope you’re okaaaaaay….” notes, which might be a red flag that it has.
Don’t send the dogs in just yet! I am here! I am fine!!! Thanks so much for noticing! I am just very very pregnant, and truth be told, tired. All. The. Time.
It’s not unusual at all, just sort of surprising to me as up until 30ish weeks I was cruising along doing all the things I normally did, just with more of a waddle. Now it’s feels like I am walking through mud after 2pm.
At any rate, I am here, but mostly in bed in the afternoons thinking of all the things I should be doing.
(tiny update: the twins are doing great… he is weighing in at 5lbs 13oz and she is looking like she is 4lbs 11oz from the ultrasound. They are both active in there, head down and looking good from what we can tell. Fingers crossed I can keep them in there about 2 more weeks…or until my Mom gets here!)
I have had a bunch of time to think in between naps though and thought I would share a few things that are true for me right now. I have done this periodically here on the blog (here, here and here) and it has proved to be a good way for me to organize a little bit of whatever emotional chaos that is going on for me and at the same time connecting with those of you who get what any single item on these lists feels like.
List makers gonna list.
In no particular order, here are a few things that are true for me right now:
1.) I feel full. In every sense of the word. Physically, this pregnant with twins thing is getting challenging and the fullness is awkward, but also I feel full of little people. Of life. Abundant. Full of hope, fear, anticipation, growth. It may not be a distinctly feminine feeling, but it feels very Mother Earth-ish. Also, I am swollen everywhere, and feel like Willy Wonka filled me full of pudding. But don’t picture me like that, stick with the Earth Mother image.
2.) I used to tap dance in those shoes. I am starting to be aware of the transition that is about to happen from my discovery of the world and its wonders to their discovery and development in the world. I feel a tiny bit like I just got a one-way ticket out of Neverland. I am going from being a child (though in my 30’s…) to being a parent. I trust that this will be just as magical, but it somehow feels like a small loss.
3.) I love watermelon. If there were a more effusive way to say that that didn’t sound over done, trust that I would say it that way. LOVE.
4.) Lucy is my soul mate. It sounds dog-lady crazy, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel connected to my darling husband, or other humans, but I am starting to really believe that this particular, spectacular mutt was sent here just for me. Like a service dog from heaven. (Oh, don’t roll your eyes, it would be an amazing service…someone should take it up with management…) She is the glue.
5.) I am bad sister. Well, recently anyway. I have not been in the kind of touch with my brother that I would like, or the kind of support that he might need right now.
6.) I am scared. I said this out loud to myself for the first time the other day, and have been meditating on it a lot to give it less power, but it’s true. I am scared of what is about to happen to my body and my life and the total lack of control that I have over most of that. This is coming in above wood chippers (shudder) and people that don’t believe in dinosaurs.
7.) I might have an Instagram addiction. It satisfies me on a chemically creative level that I can’t quite explain. I’m confident that I have some close friends that have unfollowed me because of my, ahem, zeal. If you think you can take it, you can find me at: @curlygirldesign
8.) I feel like something big is coming. Not like the end of the Aztec calendar or anything…Creatively. For me. There is this feeling that I get sometimes, like when a wave pulls back to gather strength so the next one can crash and dazzle. I have that. And I am pretty sure it’s not heartburn.
9.) I can’t feel the digits on my right hand. Thanks to pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel. This is inconvenient because I have an art deadline, and lots of thank you notes to write.
10.) I am grateful. For many things, but recently, for my husband, my girlfriends, my employees and most of all, my mom. I am also grateful for my healthy body and the pretty incredible things it is able to do.
There you go. My little list of true things. I always feel so much better having shared. What’s true for you right now? Anything resonate?
beautiful, as always! thank you for sharing, so refreshing + I hope helpful for you to share. sending great vibes to you + please keep the instagrams coming! (@gigi603)
About #2…the good news is, in most ways, you are exactly wrong. Yes, you’ll have to be the responsible one now, but in many ways you will get to explore Neverland all over again through your kids. You’ll get to introduce them to the things that made childhood magical for you, and that will give you an opportunity to let the magic wash over you all over again in a new way. Hang in there. Beginnings are always hard. Hugs to you!
Oh Leigh, this is such an exciting time for you. We missed seeing you in NYC, but your ears must have been burning. We were talking about how we can’t wait to see how motherhood will change you…your business, your quotes and your point of reference….all exciting and amazing ways I’m sure. Congrats again and I can’t wait to “see” the new little additions to the curly girl line!
Love the tap shoes and your list about says it all. Our Winston was the dog that got me through so much; just nothing like the stability and love of a 4 legged critter. I have almost signed up for instagram 5 times but really just seeing pics of you and your mom might put me over. Loved the quilts. Best to you and can’t wait to hear the good news.
Beautiful. I love it.
3.) I can’t get enough watermelon this summer.
4.) Stringer gets more love and affection from me than Lee does.
7.) I’m an Instagram stalker 🙂
Love your truths, Leigh. Many of us have been in those similar shoes. However, you are not leaving Neverland. Your cuties are just joining you there. Granted, you may not dwell there as much as you have before, but your perspective on life allows you a perpetual season pass for the family. You will now get to share it! Your mom and I get to be there more frequently now at this stage of our lives. Many blessings to you!
I have four-and-a-half-yr-old twin grandchildren… a boy and a girl. They live with me, along with their parents and an older brother and sister……how delightful they are…..there really are advantages to having twins. Just thought you ‘d like to know!
P.S. Can’t wait to see the things they teach you!!
I’ve been following you on instagram for a few weeks now (@michelleelaluna) and I’ve always loved your art, and you seem to me to be doing quite well for someone as pregnant as you are! I think the fear is totally natural- this is a lifestyle change! I TOTALLY get your feeling about Neverland and I don’t even have my own kids yet. I currently babysit twin boys (9 months old) and while yes, they are a handful, they are so incredibly beautiful to be around. They are messy and chaotic and exhausting but their smiles and giggles make everything better and it is the coolest thing to see their bond and how fast they grow and learn. They are the sweetest little souls. It’s a learning curve that has been so worth the challenge. I look forward to your baby-filled instagrams 🙂
Beautiful! Your twins are blessed to have you and husband as their parents. Even though we’ve never met, every time I read a post from you or see new things you’ve created, I feel like a better person and I think that’s the kind of person you are. Each person coming into contact with you is better for the experience. Many blessings!
1. I am 26 weeks along, albeit not as far as you – I know what you mean when you say full. Physically and emotionally.
4. Gus also gets more love and attention from me then my husband does. He just gets me.
7. I love instagram. I like following you because it brightens my day. Well in all fairness it could be Lucy. She is adorable.
As a mother of 2 young adults I can only agreed with all the others; kids love being in Neverland with their mom. And no, life is not always a fairy tale but each part has its role to play.
Validating your fears helps pull the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz so good for you for going there.
Both my deliveries were the most alive moments of my life. Fun? No, but I wouldn’t exchange them for anything else I have experienced. No drugs, no epidural. My mid-wife told me something that established my mindset: it’s pain with a purpose. It is amazing to see how your body just knows what to do…
Surrender, observe, partner and respond. Live the moment.
I will be looking forward to the announcement and recap of the experience.
All the best!
You have been on my mind these days. I am so excited for you and your husband because the path that you are about to embark on is the most wonderful, awful, tiring , thrilling but most of all the best thing that can ever happen to either of you. Enjoy and savor each moment.
Kathy
Leigh, I loved reading your truths! I’m only 24 weeks along with my first, but I, too, feel full. I started feeling our baby move last week, and it makes me feel even more full. I can’t even imagine what that must be like with two little movers and shakers! Twins would scare me a lot, too. My sisters are twins, and I’ve seen firsthand how much work it can be. On the other hand, it brings so much joy, and there is so much you can share with them and they can share with each other. I think it’s great that you’re embracing your fear. It’s the best way, I think, to get it out of the way so you can enjoy this process. Keep putting your feet up. I look forward to seeing where the wave of creativity takes you next!