Hello and Happy Friday! I was growing aware that it has been awhile since my last post, and people are starting to send out ‘um…heeeeey, hope you’re okaaaaaay….” notes, which might be a red flag that it has.
Don’t send the dogs in just yet! I am here! I am fine!!! Thanks so much for noticing! I am just very very pregnant, and truth be told, tired. All. The. Time.
It’s not unusual at all, just sort of surprising to me as up until 30ish weeks I was cruising along doing all the things I normally did, just with more of a waddle. Now it’s feels like I am walking through mud after 2pm.
At any rate, I am here, but mostly in bed in the afternoons thinking of all the things I should be doing.
(tiny update: the twins are doing great… he is weighing in at 5lbs 13oz and she is looking like she is 4lbs 11oz from the ultrasound. They are both active in there, head down and looking good from what we can tell. Fingers crossed I can keep them in there about 2 more weeks…or until my Mom gets here!)
I have had a bunch of time to think in between naps though and thought I would share a few things that are true for me right now. I have done this periodically here on the blog (here, here and here) and it has proved to be a good way for me to organize a little bit of whatever emotional chaos that is going on for me and at the same time connecting with those of you who get what any single item on these lists feels like.
List makers gonna list.
In no particular order, here are a few things that are true for me right now:
1.) I feel full. In every sense of the word. Physically, this pregnant with twins thing is getting challenging and the fullness is awkward, but also I feel full of little people. Of life. Abundant. Full of hope, fear, anticipation, growth. It may not be a distinctly feminine feeling, but it feels very Mother Earth-ish. Also, I am swollen everywhere, and feel like Willy Wonka filled me full of pudding. But don’t picture me like that, stick with the Earth Mother image.
2.) I used to tap dance in those shoes. I am starting to be aware of the transition that is about to happen from my discovery of the world and its wonders to their discovery and development in the world. I feel a tiny bit like I just got a one-way ticket out of Neverland. I am going from being a child (though in my 30’s…) to being a parent. I trust that this will be just as magical, but it somehow feels like a small loss.
3.) I love watermelon. If there were a more effusive way to say that that didn’t sound over done, trust that I would say it that way. LOVE.
4.) Lucy is my soul mate. It sounds dog-lady crazy, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel connected to my darling husband, or other humans, but I am starting to really believe that this particular, spectacular mutt was sent here just for me. Like a service dog from heaven. (Oh, don’t roll your eyes, it would be an amazing service…someone should take it up with management…) She is the glue.
5.) I am bad sister. Well, recently anyway. I have not been in the kind of touch with my brother that I would like, or the kind of support that he might need right now.
6.) I am scared. I said this out loud to myself for the first time the other day, and have been meditating on it a lot to give it less power, but it’s true. I am scared of what is about to happen to my body and my life and the total lack of control that I have over most of that. This is coming in above wood chippers (shudder) and people that don’t believe in dinosaurs.
7.) I might have an Instagram addiction. It satisfies me on a chemically creative level that I can’t quite explain. I’m confident that I have some close friends that have unfollowed me because of my, ahem, zeal. If you think you can take it, you can find me at: @curlygirldesign
8.) I feel like something big is coming. Not like the end of the Aztec calendar or anything…Creatively. For me. There is this feeling that I get sometimes, like when a wave pulls back to gather strength so the next one can crash and dazzle. I have that. And I am pretty sure it’s not heartburn.
9.) I can’t feel the digits on my right hand. Thanks to pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel. This is inconvenient because I have an art deadline, and lots of thank you notes to write.
10.) I am grateful. For many things, but recently, for my husband, my girlfriends, my employees and most of all, my mom. I am also grateful for my healthy body and the pretty incredible things it is able to do.
There you go. My little list of true things. I always feel so much better having shared. What’s true for you right now? Anything resonate?