It's funny how the universe works. Rather, how those invisible, yet highly tuned invisible connections that we have with one another operate so deftly.
Recently I have been struggling a bit with a couple of variations of courage, authenticity and vulnerability in a couple different sectors of my life.
I have been working out the things that come up for me around taking a big risk with my business. Staring the 'unknown' in the face and seeing which of us blinks first. I have been here before. I will be here again. And we will do the dance all over again.
I am also dealing with the tandem issue of having my judgment challenged. Or rather, worried about.
You see, as a risk-taker by nature, (not a thrill-seeker, that's different) I have surrounded myself with worriers. Some by choice, some by birth. They are actually a very important part of the balance of my life. I have built them into my business, my marriage, and (though I can't take credit for this) my family. In essence, I have bumpers on. I have a naysayer around every corner. I am built to say “YES! Let's do it!” and they will naturally, well, worry about it. This works out most of the time. And most of the time, I do what I want anyway but with a healthy dose of possible ways it could go terribly wrong.
This is a great system for me in business, and when navigating relationships in a lot of ways, but I am realizing recently, that it is not great on a personal level. On a personal level, it often reads as disconnection. Now, I do something pretty personal for a living, and even as I write this, I am putting a LOT out there in the way of my thoughts, and feelings and opinions on things. I welcome feedback, and try to encourage conversation. I crave the connections between all of us.
This, I discovered, is nerve-racking for my worriers.
I am currently being confronted with the issue of how to be authentic and vulnerable in a way that inspires connection, while protecting yourself from all the terrible things that could happen when you do that. The only answer to that that I can come up with is that… you can't.
Which is inconvenient, since it's sort of the foundation of my life's work.
You can see the kind of pickle I'm in.
Enter the universe. Yesterday, as I am hashing this out in full self-righteous Taurus mode, I get an email from my darling friend Cate a million miles away in Guatemala, asking me if I had seen this video of Dr. Brene Brown. I had in fact seen it many months ago, been so taken by it that I immediately bought all of her books and fully intended on being a full-on devotee of hers…until I got too busy for that. But at the very moment I needed to be reminded of her, unknowingly, Cate did just that.
So, this oh-so-well-timed reminder, and incredible lecture brought home to me exactly what I knew in my gut and my heart.
That I am always right. (remember, I'm a Taurus.)
No, but in a way, I am. If we are operating from a place of vulnerability and authenticity and we have the courage to be imperfect, right (in this case, meaning whole, or in entirety) will find us. Connection will find us. And that is what we are all after.
So, PLEASE do yourself a favor and take 20 minutes out of your day to watch this video. Then look up Brene's other talks and books. She is a brilliant mind, a visionary and an excellent storyteller.
Let's talk about it! What do you think?
The scariest part of living authentically is having to be honest with myself. I don’t mind being open and honest with the very select few that I feel “safe” being vulnerable with because they have seen my failures and have helped fix my broken wings. Recently, someone told me “we owe to the universe to be honest with our lives so that others can grow and learn – so that we can be truly free”. Something I very very very much struggle with. Shame/disconnection – it resonates in places I am not sure I am ready to FACE…
Leigh,
I just discovered Brene about a month ago and love her and have been watching her videaos and started reading one of her books. I love when she says “lean into the discomfort.”
I am also a Taurus and have been surrounded by worriers who love to tell me how unrealistic and foolish I am. While I have felt in the past like I was more courageous, the worriers are wearing me down!
You have been so amazing by following your gut. Look at what you’ve built so far! Whatever it is that is your roadblock or fork in the road right now, go with your gut. You have tons of support out here and you know what the right path is. We trust you!
A few days ago I was having a conversation about being authentic & real. If we live our lives & only share in a way we think is “acceptable” or “appropriate”, then we aren’t really making true connections. Thanks for sharing Brene’s video. I really enjoyed it!
OMG. That was SO good. I want to make it mandatory viewing to be in my world. LOVE.
SO great….Thanks so much for sharing. Taurus huh…yep me too! Makes so much sense. Love it.
Thanks Leigh! I had seen Brene’s talk before…but it was nice to be reminded! I understand where you’re coming from! I’ve been trying to be more vulnerable and authentic – but it’s difficult when you have a business – at least it seems to be for me. In being authentic with my thoughts or feelings, I risk alienating some customers who don’t believe the same as me… or don’t like my point of view. So I say nothing… I don’t “stand up”… and in that way, I feel like I’m stifled in my wanting to be authentic and share more of myself. Some business people (very few though that I’ve seen) seem to have no trouble with this – they state their beliefs or comments without worry of losing some people (and maybe they gain others). It’s a FREEDOM I wish I could enjoy…but I’m not quite brave enough yet. I try – little by little – day by day…to let people know who I really am and how I really feel…but for a while, it’ll have to be a “work in progress”.
I have seen many conversations where everyone will be getting along great – like long lost friends – and someone brings up a hot-button subject like political affiliations or religion (or just a subject where you “know” where they stand on this kind of thing) – and immediately people disband themselves from the group, as if all of a sudden – knowing one thing about someone – changes your whole perception of them and turns you in another direction. It’s a hard line to balance – especially if you have a business that relies on your connections and relationships with people!
Thanks for the conversation! And the reminder! And here’s to hoping we all become brave enough to be who we ARE…freely…and not just show the parts that we think others will be pleased with.
Thank you so much for sharing this today – your timing is amazing as ever. I’ve been thinking a lot about vulnerability the last few weeks, since I saw Brene on the Katie show. Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of my best friend’s passing, and maybe it’s just me, but I’m always a little more sensitive and driven by my feelings this time of year. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who was trying to get me to cheer up and not dwell on the sadness that this week brings me. I tried to tell her that I have to just let these feelings be, that I have to feel them and not try to avoid them. That is what my heart needs right now. And I’m okay with being sad and missing my dear bestie.
Thank you for opening your heart to your fans, for letting us connect to you through your art. I appreciate you.
Thanks for sharing this. Brene’s video is amazing. It makes me think of the e.e. cummings quote, “It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are!” Thanks again for sharing this!
Ran into Brene last March at a professional conference. First time in my life that I ran out and purchased all of her books (except for Daring Greatly ‘cuz it hadn’t been published yet). Trying to find time to be able to read them. (has to be quiet, contemplative, lots at hand). She is FABULOUS. As are your designs, BTW.
Carolyn
Thank you all for your comments! I am sorry to those of you who were not able to comment during our website/server switch. Comments appear to be up and working now.
xo
Ooh, I have not watched the video yet, but I so look forward to doing so! I am always excited to learn about new mind-stretching, validating people to learn from! Thank you for sharing it, love stuff like that. 🙂
Since I have not watched the video and am not a Taurus, I may be way off here, but this post really resonated with me. It has taken me 31 years and a couple of rounds of therapy to understand that I am the authority on myself, and the buck stops at ME and my gut feelings.
That has been so validating! I used to get all caught up in thinking that other people (my mom, my sister, my friends) knew me better than I knew myself and knew what was right for me, without realizing that really makes no sense.
Now I don’t let people talk me out of what I know to be true for me, and I feel much more comfortable choosing my own path. Thank goodness I figured this out before I fully shaped my life to fit people who say “I know you, and you will want….!”
Thank you for sharing, Leigh. I find stuff like this so interesting and helpful!
Thank you for sharing this. It actually alarmed me a little. I have been feeling led to start a new project (and I never feel led to do anything, in fact I long for God to put a burning bush in my yard or write on my walls, but he hasn’t yet) and I feel that this is just one more push in that direction. I’m afraid to do it. Afraid of the response, afraid of failing, afraid I don’t know enough about it to be any good, afraid of upsetting people with whom I work, afraid that it might change all the plans I have for the future. Afraid, afraid, afraid. But, I am also, at least on the surface, a “Can we do this? Yes we can!” kind of person. So you can see my dilemma.
Also, on a more personal note, I am a control freak. Made so, I believe, because of the way I grew up, where things were 100% out of control almost all the time. So vulnerability is always hard. Hard because I can’t go back to the way I felt growing up, watching things spiraling out of control. But I know I can’t control everything, at least on a logical level. So I need to work on that too. I am not a let it go kind of person.
Thanks for sharing this. I hope you’ll continue to share with us how it goes!
First of all, as a “worrier,” I really admire people who are more daring and willing to take risks…so, I say, go with your gut!
Second…this talk is amazing and resonates with me so strongly. One message I particularly love: “What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful.” Could be inspiration for a new card, right?!
Thanks for sharing, Leigh. I found your post and responses from others very interesting. Interesting because I think everyone can relate to this topic. All of us have worried over something at some point in our life.
Ironically, my blog posting today (http://www.traysays.com) is about being vulnerable in situations we have no control over. Key word: control.
Most of us just feel better when we are in control. It puts us in the driver’s seat and we know where we are driving.
It’s comforting to know that we do have control over our thoughts and that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
It took a great deal of courage for you to share your thoughts with us. I see a new line of inspirational cards in your future!
I just watched this. Thanks so much for posting. And also, I’ve been so blessed by your work. 🙂
I love her. Her book The Gift of Imperfection was my introduction to her. I feel a whole wave of “women struggling toward authenticity against the grain of tradition and expectation” in our world right now, and my feeling is that we should ALL go for it. I’ve started asking myself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” and if the answer isn’t “My kids will die” I say take the leap, whatever it is and wherever it leads My husband, who is a little anal about knowing where he’s going and living by GPS, used to tease me about getting lost all the time when we lived in Germany briefly. I responded “But getting lost is how you discover new routes home.” That’s when I learned I was an adventurer. I got sidetracked a little by motherhood but as my kids get older, my inner Gypsy is waking up again. Motherhood sidetracked my “wandering,” but it forced me to embrace vulnerability. There is nothing more vulnerable than loving someone that much and being willing and able to let that little piece of your heart walk around outside of you and then break away from you baby step by baby step. But I ramble—in my mid-life I am working on freeing that wandering spirit and exposing that authentic wild woman, tidily packed away in organized “togetherness” for years, and I think you ARE RIGHT to go with your gut. It rarely lies just to be nice.
Thank you for sharing, what a great way to actively and openly show your vulnerability by posting this video with your “followers”.
I like many of those who have posted do struggle with a sense of worthiness, and acceptance, but this was a great reminder that I am loveable. Thanks
Ali
This was exactly what I needed today. I have been wallowing for 4 months and after watching Dr. Brown I am willing to be vulnerable and not ashamed that I am not worthy.
Thank you.
Leigh, I meant to sit down and watch this months ago when you first posted it, but of course life intervened and I just now came back around to it. It brought me to tears! It was exactly a big puzzle piece I feel like I have been missing! I am so glad you posted this… I was in the exact same struggle of thinking that I could protect myself from all these inherent risks in forging your own path and listening to your heart. Thank you so much for sharing this, I look forward to exploring more of Dr. Brown’s work!
Hi Leigh, I am struggling with balancing authenticity and protecting my family and friends. I am a “new-comer” to the art and blog scene and I just want to share my story with the world. I have worked so hard to break down barriers, give life some perspective, find my worthiness, accept my extreme goofiness, be vulnerable and put my heart out there to give my creative, beautiful, loving side a voice or a canvas. My husband is terrified of this(one of my warriors, to use your term)so, I have stopped short of sharing my complete story, which makes me feel fake and boring, which makes me not want to proceed. I am going to continue working on all of this and figure it out but I wanted to thank you for sharing Brene Brown. She has fallen in my lap 3 times in the last week, randomly, this is how I seem to work best. Love your art, Leigh! Keep on doin’ what your doin’, it is beautiful as I’m sure you are too! (my blog is not really live yet, I just started trying and then the hubby freaked out) My problem is, I love to share, I love to talk, I have no problem telling people about my shortcomings and struggles and everything I have gone through to get past them. Balancing that with protecting perceived perfection from my family and commnity is going to be tricky.